


Scenario 09 – The Return of the Damned

by stranger12



Series: But I’m A–! [9]
Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Step-Sibling Incest, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-03
Updated: 2015-06-03
Packaged: 2018-04-02 16:43:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4067233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stranger12/pseuds/stranger12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Christopher is not good at giving people good news.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scenario 09 – The Return of the Damned

Rory was dutifully, if nervously, drinking some club soda when one Mitchum Huntzberger (and wow, he was even more imposing in real life!) came into the house banging the door on his way in. Rory thought she heard the glass shatter and winced, though everyone else just jumped. Shira in particular, who’d been an obvious mess from the get go, spilled her drink everywhere in her haste to stand up.

“Mitchum” – she squeaked. Man, he looked pissed, and Rory had only ever seen her grandfather get quite that color.

“You thought I wasn’t going to find out, huh?!” – he bellowed. Rory noticed Eli discreetly get up and move away from the group, Honor and Josh froze in place and Logan looked as shocked as Rory felt.

“Mitchum, please, this is really not the place to do this” – she tried to reason with him, but the blond man was clearly not having it. Rory hoped she wouldn’t have to go downtown soon as a witness to murder or something, and please, she liked her dress, and blood would not be fun to wash off it.

“Actually, this is a very good moment to do this, Shira” – he spat, and turned to Rory, who looked around in confusion then at him with apprehension – “So, miss Gilmore”

“Er... Yes, sir?”

“I hear your father is a certain Christopher Hayden” – Shira gasped loudly and Rory frowned but nodded.

“Yes, that’s right” – Mitchum breathed deeply.

“I’m sorry I had to do this tonight of all nights – congratulations, Honor, Josh, by the way –, but I just couldn’t hold it back as soon as I found out”

“... Found out what, dad?” – Logan carefully questioned.

“About your mother, of course”

“Er, what, daddy?” – Honor asked quietly.

“She’s–”

“Mitchum, please, not here” – Shira begged.

“Oh, to hell with you, Shira! Logan, Honor, your whore of a mother has been cheating on me, and she’s pregnant with her lover’s baby!”

Honor gasped so hard she dropped her crystal glass in Josh’s foot, though he didn’t notice it, what with the way his jaw had dropped. Eli just shook his head and kept drinking, and Logan stared from one parent to the next with incredulous eyes. Rory just wished she could slip away, her family drama was enough for her, she definitely didn’t need her boyfriend’s family’s.

“But you’re so old!” – Logan finally said, and Rory wondered if it was out of shock or stupidity. Either way, she was reconsidering dating him.

“Thank you, darling” – Shira mumbled, rubbing her stomach. Mitchum followed the movement with a glare.

“We are getting a divorce and you are getting nothing!” – the man screamed at the top of his lungs.

“You can’t do that! We have a –”

“You’re pregnant with another man’s child! That is more than enough for any two bit lawyer to break whatever pre–nup, especially ours, what with that little, tiny fidelity clause!”

“It’s not like you’ve been faithful all these years!” – she shrieked, and boy. Would anyone mind if Rory simply walked away? This was on a whole other– Wait, what?

“... and don’t think for a second that your little boy toy Hayden is going to support you!”

“Hayden?” – Rory asked – “Like my dad, Hayden?”

“That’s right! Logan, your little girlfriend’s father impregnated your mother! You two” – he pointed at the new couple – “are going to have a half sibling”

“Oh God” – Logan mumbled.

“And I had to find out from the man himself! He came into MY office to tell me the happy news! I tell you, he’s not the sharpest crayon, is he?”

“Eh” – Rory conceded.

“But he was kind enough to let me know that hey, he’s already raising one kid, what would another one be? As long as Shira remained out of his life, that is”

“What?! No, Christopher would never do that, he loves me! He loves me!” – Shira cried and sat back down – “He would never take my kid away from me!”

“He would, and he will as soon as the kid’s paternity is confirmed” – Mitchum stated happier than Rory would’ve imagined a man like him could look.

“No! He can’t!” – she desperately turned to Rory – “Don’t let him take my child! Honor and Logan already turned out so badly, I need another chance!”

“Gee, thanks, mom” – Honor mumbled, gladly accepting her grandfather’s offer of all of the gin in their bar.

“This is my do–over baby! No one will take him away from me! Rory, tell them! Your dad won’t take it from me, he won’t!”

“To be fair” – the girl started slowly – “he seems pretty happy being Gigi’s dad. I’m sure he–”

“Nooo! You little bitch! Take it back!”

“Hey!” – Logan snapped.

“Oh, boo–hoo, Logan, grow a pair already. Also, a brain. Your new sibling will be Rory’s brother or sister, and her dad wants to raise it!”

“That is a thought” – Mitchum agreed lightly – “I think it would be somewhat inappropriate for you two to continue seeing each other”

“What?! What do we have to do with mom and Ace’s dad– Which, ew, God, mom, having a kid together? It’s not like Ace and I will suddenly start sharing blood, we’ll just have a sibling–”

“With whom we share blood” – Rory finished – “Look, Logan–”

“Oh, no, c’mon, seriously?”

“Maybe I should leave, you guys are clearly in the middle of something important, and I’m– Okay, honest to God, I don’t want to be here right now, this is way more screwed up than anything my family’s ever come up with, including the time my mom ordered my grandpa a bunch of male strippers, one of which apparently fell madly in love with his butler”

“Wait, what?” – she waved him away.

“I’ll tell you some other time. Anyway. I should go” – she turned to Shira – “Please stop it with the booze, it’s not good for the baby, and please don’t let dad name it if it’s a girl. Or a boy. Actually, don’t let him name it at all. Somehow I don’t think he’d be good at it, and I don’t want a sibling called... Cory or something” – she shuddered – “Okay, now I’m going. Mister Huntzberger, nice to meet you, sorry for the circumstances. Everyone else, lovely to meet you, and bye”

As Rory walked out the Huntzberger home, she heard more shouting. Geez, such a huge house was not good when you wanted to fight, that’s for sure. After calling for a cab, she stared at her cell and took the plunge.

“Hi, dad” – she said into his answering machine – “So, I came to have dinner with my boyfriend’s family, though it might be ex by this time tomorrow, and guess what! I met Shira! Your new baby momma! Isn’t that something? Anyway, I’m happy for you, but I wished you’d told me sooner. I would’ve avoided coming today to witness someone else’s family tearing each other’s throats out, though it was kind of funny to see it happen to people other than mom and I. Okay, that was it, call me back, bye”


End file.
